What Does It Feel Like?


I am really hoping that turning 25 is really like having your first kiss. You know, with the build up that has all these butterflies in your stomach, and you hoping ‘the deed’ will take place in a very romantic setting with violins and white doves flying to create a heart shaped border above your heads and the sound of the ocean in your ears as you move closer to complete said action. And then it’s over, with nothing to show for it, and you go home with a little disappointment thinking ‘that’s it??’

But then, that’s just one side to it. I am hoping that turning 25 is also a bit like your first day of college, where you had to travel all the way to VT by BEST bus, all by yourself, get off at the wrong bus stop and then walk from Fountain to St Xavier’s College with a need to throw up due to Fear and Excitement, the two characters that always play such a major role in this movie called The Life of a Totally Moronic Person. Produced by Tanushree Baruah, Directed by Anon. (He is one of those French New Wave directors who never follows the script and always ends up going over budget. A bane to producers.) So anyway, Fear looks at Excitement and says: ‘You’re still here?’ And Excitement replies: ‘No no, you are the all powerful one,’ and then proceeds to make a quick exit. By this time, you are hopelessly lost, with no mobile phone to call daddy and wail about the scheme of things, and then you see some people dressed in jeans and t-shirts and you follow them blindly, and almost cry with Joy (one of the difficult to retain characters on-screen, her schedules are tight and need to be carefully coordinated with her agent) when you see the old stone building and the sign in Marathi: Sant Jhavierjh Kawlejh. You flash your brand new ID card at a guard who funnily enough want to check it thoroughly, gives you a glare as if to say ‘I know you are going to grow weed behind the boys hostel but welcome anyway’ and then you, still following the crowd, enter the first quadrangle and instead of going along with the girls wearing the identical cleavage revealing blouses, but with full-sleeves and in different colors to what looks like the washroom, I look to my right and spy one of the most beautiful staircase leading somewhere upstairs. As I walk away, and let my hand touch the banister, I have a flash of the future – this might be what turning 25 feels like. And then we climb, fear, excitement and joy, all leading the way to lecture room 56 A.

Or, the one time when I was stuck in an Andheri traffic jam, surrounded by drivers who blamed each other for their traffic woes and I had to receive The First Ever Job Offer while being assaulted – verbally and via audio. ‘Congratulations!’ the HR person from Hyderabad was screeching into the receiver, G is happy to make you an offer!’ while a heated exchange of ‘behenchod madarchod’ was taking place between my auto driver and the auto three cars ahead of him. When I saw the G flash, everything went quiet, the frame was now in slow motion, the focus was on me, and the extras, drivers and vehicles alike, blurred in the distance. everything was surreal, and I swear I could see the sun become the moon and descend to earth and hang by a silver thread all the while ants, in their dot like black bodies swarmed the now descended upon earth sun turned moon. Maybe this is how I will feel when the clock strikes 12 to welcome August 5.

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