Betrayal

01Jul11

I was half asleep when I received that one text message bidding me goodbye. All I felt at that time was a faint sense of annoyance, rejection, and strangely relief. And when I found out (as usual, through someone else), that he had gotten himself engaged (and soon married), I probably cried just for the drama of it all, I mourned the passing of 5 wasted years and I lived.

I never felt betrayed.

Not even when he said he loved me.

Because when someone says they love you, but in their own way, through a text message, you know it is not true.

No, not even when they whisper it in the moonlit night.

So this morning, the boy I seem to have fallen for over a meal in Chinatown, when I heard (through someone else!), that he’s off to an exotic Asian country (with an old girl friend), I cried. I cried tears of deep hurt and self – recrimination over choosing the wrong people to care for.

And I feel betrayed.

He doesn’t love me either.

And I see a pattern emerging.

What am I to do? How do I live a life that is rich and full of moments that give me joy? How do I make myself stop caring?

The usual argument I have is I am fortunate to live in a gorgeous efficient country. I work in a company most people would take pay cuts to work at. I earn enough, my parents are happy. What more could I possibly want?

But I deserved those things. I worked hard for them. So why can’t I hope and pray for some romance? A flirtation even?

Where’s a miracle when you need one?

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One Response to “Betrayal”

  1. “I probably cried just for the drama of it all”

    “I never felt betrayed. Not even when he said he loved me. Because when someone says they love you, but in their own way, through a text message, you know it is not true. No, not even when they whisper it in the moonlit night.”

    Achingly true. I do that too. I thrive on the drama of pathos of unrequited or unfulfilled love, even though I know from the very start that it won’t last.

    I fall in love easily too. So, vicious cycle!


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