Fightback

14Jul11

Once, in Calcutta, on our way back home from school, I was chilling with my fellow cab mates when the oldest of them had this sudden idea to narrate a joke.

I don’t remember what the joke was after all these years. But I do remember it warranted her suddenly slapping me. Right across my face. And hard.

Of course, I laughed it off then.  Although I had tears stinging my eyes. And anger. I did not say or do anything in retaliation. I let it go.

Today, after all these years, I decided to fight back. Not against that one humiliating incident in school, but against the way fate screws around with me.

Before I go on to say what I did, let me quickly outline some cold, hard facts about the way life really played some nasty ones on me:

  1. When my ex told me he regretted me, I stayed quiet.
  2. When I was dumped unceremoniously via text, I wrote a couple emails. But I was quick to forgive.
  3. When the really cold, weird Malhar organizer who never ever smiles, didn’t accept me into her team, I stayed quiet. Whatever. College. Whatever.
  4. When some dumb chick made up a non – existent complaint, and I had to listen to a roomful of bullying men judge the crap out of me, I cried. And I stayed silent.

So today, I was weary of having to take a beating for my mistakes, both imaginary and real. After I summoned up the courage to tell someone how I really felt, and after being treated with kindness, and said person saying there’s someone else in his life, I had enough.

I hate feeling like there’s something pending completion, so I completed what I had to say. I finally fought back.

I said okay well, if you ever change your mind.

He said no.

I pressed on. Maybe in December?

Uh huh. Let’s be friends and leave it at that. He was quick to say.

I said, okay, well, it’s physical attraction.

He said stop it. You’re making me feel uncomfortable.

Excuse me. I am making YOU uncomfortable? For being honest?

I fought back today. Screw being gracious in defeat. A friend of mine wisely told me it’s only natural to growl and fuss when you lose. And snap back.

So I did. Although I ended up apologizing, I did fight back.

And I am going to fight some more. I know what I felt. Still feel. I didn’t choose this situation.  It just happened.

What really annoyed me was the civil conversation we had.  I wanted to shout at him and I wanted him to shout back at me.

But no. what we had was a civil boring conversation.

And the friendship has gone.

Oh who cares.  I am going to make him want me.

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