Shaadi Saga


My well meaning parents decided to helpfully guide me along the path of finding a nice ‘life partner’ by signing up (read: cash transaction) for one of those popular matrimonial sites.

Initially, I thought to myself, ah what the heck, I am smart, well read, self aware, well traveled, funny, I work for a great company, a nice person, I am compassionate, responsible and I take care of my family. I am self reliant, generous, a good friend and any man would be lucky to have me.

(Okay, I probably did not think all that but those are my good qualities.)

So I would have no trouble finding a decent Assamese chap, correct?

Nope, wrong.

Turns out, men the world over, (or maybe it’s Indian men the world over) – including those living in that epitome we consider as the highest of all high civilizations, the USA, all think the same thing. They all want a ‘slim’ girl, with ‘white’ complexion, height between 5’5 and 5’8, a girl with ‘liberal’ values but who ‘respects tradition’ and who fucks like a porn star in the bedroom. And of course, they all very generously proclaim they will ‘let her work’ after the I dos are exchanged.

Indian men the world over, y’all suck.

Born out of a certain naiveté, I thought I’d be able to handle rejection well. I mean, these were just profiles with a poor pixilated picture with an ‘about me’ any one could have written really. So keeping in mind my current location and work pay, I went for all the ‘smarties’, the MBAs and doctors in the US, UK, Australia. I thought, well, based on all my qualities, qualification and the money I bring to the marital table, surely they will be interested in me and would want to find out more? Surely, the personalized email which I thoughtfully and deliberately wrote to make me sound less of a desperate bridezilla-in-training, and more of a decent likeable human being, which also clearly said yo we can be friends or have a casual chat, nothing more, would warrant some sort of polite reply, a ‘no thank you, good luck’ etc, but nope. It’s outright rejection. And the site I use, spares no one. It mercilessly says ‘Rejected by XYZ user. You can no longer contact him.’

Fuck. Matrimonial sites are humiliating.

So it turns out, all those hot shot investment bankers in NYC, those HLS lawyers in LA, those Cardiologists in London, they have one thing in common. Either they all suffer a common ailment of being unable to have the balls to say ‘sorry, I am not your man’ or they are just way too busy to reply nicely and say ‘nope girl, someone else will bring that glass slipper for you.’

I have nothing against Indian men, some of the ones I know are very nice gentlemen, the quietest wallflower turns into a roaring hooligan when the situation calls for it. None of them sadly are the ones I’d choose to be married to.

Now although I have a good two months to go before my membership expires, I have half a mind to throw in the towel and say screw you, I can do a lot better than this shit. But then I also realize not every story is built around love or greatness.

Who knows, maybe the one who suffers me gladly is quietly sipping on hot tea, on a cobblestoned lane outside a charming café in Vienna. If so, then the strings of fate that bind us, I implore you, do not tear asunder in the time it takes to get over this matrimonial site crap.

It will be okay, it really will be. In the mean time, I will drink some tea.

3 Responses to “Shaadi Saga”

  1. The picture is same at both the end of the table ! 🙂

    being one the person who used those sites for nearly 3 yrs (and yes paid couple of them too!) – I know the kind of response one may expect. And though it made me meet some of the craziest possible characters (each one of them can be the protagonist of a chart-topper novel), I finally got my wife through one of them! So best of luck !

  2. 2 Sameer

    It seems to me that with the screening procedures adopted by most of us especially relating to categories like religion and caste and income really narrows down your choices. Chances are that you have already screened out your would be man .. . Problem is most of the folks logging on to matrimonial sites are risk averse .. They believe that only individuals coming from particular background hold the possibility of making their future life happy. The whole idea is based on ethnocentrism.. to me it is more of a business deal than a match made in heaven..

    I would suggest expand your horizons and thy shall find a match..hopefully 😛 take care and best of luck !!

    • 3 Tanushree

      I suppose it is true of the social environment today – everything is a business deal!

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