Grateful.

31Jan13

I wanted my first post of 2013 to mean something, but like all best laid plans, that did not happen. Now it is Jan 31 and I did not want January to go by without saying something.

Currently, life has taken on a simple quality – I am focused on work, I am trying to bring a more positive energy into my career, taking a deep breath and stepping back when there is a need to. There is a routine now, wake up, go to work, go to meetings, go for a run, come home, catch up on email/cook something, watch mind numbing reality TV, go to bed. Over the weekends, I go for Mandarin lessons, watch a movie or a concert or a musical. The thing about all these activities, I usually do them alone.

It’s not that I don’t know any one here, I have casual acquaintances I can hang out with if I want. But they are not people I particularly care for, my relationship with them is always going to be distant.

And the thing is, I am okay with my own company. I won’t say I am particularly happy to be alone, no one truly is, but I am also not sad or depressed. I keep busy doing the things I am interested in, and for once, there is no waiting or rushing to get somewhere on time.

Am I happier than what I was back in Sep 2012? Yes. A resoundingly firm yes. And I hope to God, I do not lose sight of things that are important.

On another note, I have been in touch with someone I cared for. Now, I am not sure what my expectations are from him, (they should be zero, given he is with someone else, but it’s never easy to let go of expectations, is it) I am trying to friendly but not too attached. I do not want to be hurt and I do not want the drama all over again.

I am very grateful for the experiences I have been given. I am trying not to linger over feelings of regret and hurt. Thank you to all the 3 readers who visit this blog and leave such nice and supportive comments. You are wonderful.

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